I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
