I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
