to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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