Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
