just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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