I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
