I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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