craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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