She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
