Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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