Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
