I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
