I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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