Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
