i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
