just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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