Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
