dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
