He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
