I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You pole danced in your parka.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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