Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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