that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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