why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
