dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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