id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
