And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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