Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
