: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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