btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
