dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's blow job season.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
