Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
