he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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