I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
