Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
