There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
