Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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