she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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