Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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