this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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