Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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