There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
