Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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