Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
