My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
