I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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