You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't deserve a penis
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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