Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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