Dual....:-)
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
