god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
