That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
