so explain again why im purple
no
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
