im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
