Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
