just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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