I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
