OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
