my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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