I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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