I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
