My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
