i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
