Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
