Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
