I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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