gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
