shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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