ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
