my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
soo... how was my night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
