He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
