3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
