he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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