I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
