my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
