Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
