Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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