Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
