the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
