My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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